Friday, October 29, 2010

My War on Cats and Dogs

I’m not going to lie to you all. I don’t like cats or dogs. I know what some of you may be thinking, my girlfriend thought the same thing.

And I don’t disagree with that.
They are adorable, at least a lot of them, and I’m sure we could have been best friends. The problem was how we met; first impressions mean a lot.
Yup, the first cat I ever got in close proximity with nearly killed me. 
At first the cat and I played along great. We rolled around, the cat showed me her hiding places and we had a great time. Then I stopped being able to breathe. As the world spun around me, my wheezing too strong to cry out, I looked up at the cat.

Damned thing was smiling.
That bastard, she probably knew I was going to die, luring me into her lair just to watch my slow agonizing death.

I didn’t die; my mother had been watching me the whole time and caught wind that something was wrong when I stopped breathing.  Turns out I’m horridly allergic to cats, dogs too. I’m actually allergic to much more then that – But those shall remain a secret till another time.
Since that day my life has been all out war
Dear Ramona,
I write this letter to you in fondness, hoping that it sees you well. My days here are long, but my thoughts of you keep me going. We continue to lose ground here on the southern front. I have heard however that the north is doing much better. Looks like all hope is not lost y—

Much of my battle continues to be victories on my side.  I’ve reclaimed my own house, while a short campaign shortly after lead to capturing my parent’s houses.
Years passed and a massive mandate arrived in the form of my grandparents houses.  For years we battled, neither side budging. But time was on my side, and patience proved key.
Alas, in a battle so numerously against me it is only a matter of time till the cats and dogs find a way to undermine my defenses.

Touché cats, touché.
It’s a low blow, but effective. I cannot ever go over to Ramona’s house for fear of dying in my sleep. Not to mention that after about five minutes I would be completely miserable; sorry Ramona (Still love you).

1 comment:

Craig Burr said...

dude your blog is the best. I have read through everything here and am killing myself laughing. Bravo!!! on a job well done