Friday, December 31, 2010

I May Have Single Handedly Stopped Pirates

I think I may have singled handedly stopped pirates.

Or at least the online variety anyway.

As is common in my life, I was thinking one day. Not about much in particular just the world and how it all fits together.
Then I had an idea.
I thought why do people pirate things?
Well because it’s expensive to buy things.
So how do we stop that?
Quite simple really, make everything free.
Feel free to be confused such a thing is understandable in a world run by spending and making money.
I’ll back up.
First someone needs to make a game, or a movie. It could be a whole team of people that’s fine too. Then they need to decide how much this game or movie is worth and how much they want to make off of the game.
Then get behind a big name like Sony, Microsoft, Nintendo, Square Enix, you get the picture.
Now spread the word about this game or movie that has been made.
Tell everyone.
Then start a web page online where people can go and pay for this game or movie. As little as a dollar and as much as they want.
Say you expect the game to make 500,000 dollars.
Set the bar to 500,000 and,

If the game or movie seems good enough,
I bet you 500,000 people would gladly pay a dollar for it.
When the 500,000 is met make the product free ware and offer hosting of its download.

Now the game or movie is free from the moment it is available.
No way to pirate it,
And you make the money you want without fear of sales issues.
I know there are some problems, like how Halo and other large games, or movies, make millions of dollars, and that’s asking for a lot of people.
But smaller games, like downloadable content games for the Xbox, Will and Ps3 could probably get away with this.
Or some high end flash like games on the computer.
Just a thought.
But I sure would love to play a dollar for a game I really like.
That would give so many people an extensive game library to play.
But maybe this idea is not capitalist enough for America.
Maybe it’s a pipe dream that will never work.
But you know what I think?
It would be awesome.
But that’s me, what do all of you think?
That’s right.
I asked you a question.
That means to answer me you would have to e-mail me.
Stop hyperventilating.
It’s going to be ok.
I have faith in you.

Friday, December 24, 2010

I've been struck by lightning

I’ve been struck by lightning.
It was a very unique experience and I remember it quite well.
You see I love the rain. I dance in it, sing in it, play in it, over all I just enjoy it a lot.
So when a storm comes rolling around I don’t hide away inside I go and great it with cheer.

On one such stormy night I was going for a nice stroll in the rain.
A few miles passed under my feet and just as I was walking across one random street to meet back up with the sidewalk,
It happened.

I was struck by lightning.

The whole world went white. So white that this picture is not white enough. My eyes were overloaded with light and in what could not have been more than a fraction of a moment my mind worked at super human speed. I don’t know why or how, but in that moment I thought of a dozen things at once and came to conclusions I had been looking for the entire walk.

One of which was that I discovered I want to sell candy for a living. But that is a story for a later time.

The light faded and I found myself standing frozen in place not sure if that had really just happened or not. I appeared to be alive, and that was the bases of my skepticism.
Then the thunder struck.

I have never, and never will again, hear something so loud. I was physically forced to my knees involuntarily trying to escape from the sheer volume of the booming. It stabbed into my head. My eyes hurt from the noise, which really didn’t make sense.
As the thunder faded away I stood up shaking violently. The world had returned to normal like nothing ever happened.
 As my hearing returned I head the distant cries of a man’s voice and looked over to see a stopped car in the adjoining road to the one I was on. He was frantically calling out for me. “Are you all right? You just got struck by lightning!” Is all I made out before another boom of thunder nearby drowned him out. I nodded my head finding words beyond me at the moment.
After that I walked home, well more of a run, but that’s it. Another day in the life of me; this one just had a bit more pizzazz.
I’m not sure if I am really unlucky these things keep happening to me,
Or just really lucky that I’m alive.
I think I’ll take an optimistic view today. 

Friday, December 17, 2010

I Hate Driving

I hate driving. I mean I really just do not like it one bit.

Of all the things I really dislike in this world driving is in the top five.
This is how I view driving.

No wait,

THIS is how I view driving.
I’m not bad at it or anything. I’m actually quite good.
Well maybe I’m not so great; most people are just really bad so I look great in comparison.

I understand the importance of driving. I wouldn’t wage war on cars or anything.
I just don’t like the idea of moving at lethal speeds on a two thousand pound missile of doom.

I almost feel like the second amendment should cover cars.
Sure guns are dangerous.
I just feel that with a well aimed car I could do a lot more damage than any standard handgun.  

Ello, um, my name is Joshua I’m looking to buy a car…

What was that? A missile you say? Right this way my good man I’ll show you’re our newest model. Guaranteed to leave a lasting impression.

Er no, I meant a—

Here we are! Just got her in this morning. Genuine H-bomb. Decent mileage, very quiet and if some jerk rear ends you, well, the jokes on him eh?

Yeah, everyone dies. Hilarious.
That may or may not have exactly been what the sales person told me while I was car shopping, but that’s what I got out of it.  
So I try to get rides with my friends as much as I can just so I don’t stress out as I drive.
I save money on gas too.
Oh yeah, and the environment. 

Monday, December 13, 2010


This is how I feel right now.
And not really sure where I am.
Typically I can handle each one of these problems as they arise with positive thinking and activities of fun.
Recently that has not been happening.
You may be thinking, Joshua, where are all your pictures? You normally have a handful by now.
Well esteemed audience that would be tied to the lack of my favorite weathered paper backgrounds.
My computer is effectively out of commission. I’ve had it for years now and as computers do they die eventually.
We did a lot together; many crazy stories only exist because of help from my computer. This blog was only possible with help from my computer.
So my computer, may this be your virtual tombstone.
Rest in peace.
That is rain by the way.

I can still draw in case you are wondering. It is just a lot harder at the moment. I need to use a free artist program on the computer, I have a screen that is far too small, and now I just feel like I’m complaining. Which is exactly what I said I would never do on this blog.
Well, let me do my best to give you all something to look forward too.

I’m sure that ends well.
When will that story happen?
Not sure. But I promise to have more pictures and a post next week.
And on time.
Crazy what a computer's death will do to your internet deadlines.
I still feel bad…
So have a present!
An I’m sorry for my late/ awful post, and an early Christmas gift.
A zombie for zombie fans,
And a cat for those who are not.

oh dear.

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Birthday it Finally Snowed: Chapter 1

I always want it to snow on my birthday. I’ve always wanted it to snow on my birthday. My birthday is on the seventh of February so it can actually happen.  I mean, I’m not some hopeless July birthday boy asking for the world to shift drastically while not understanding the consequences.

Every year when I was young I planned my birthdays with a plan B “If it snows, we go outside.” I even put it on my birthday invitations to warn everyone about clothing to bring.

This was one of my actual cards; I had to tape that little extra part onto each one.

But it never snowed. Each year my hopes would build up and each year nature would break my heart.
I tried everything…

Flushing ice cubes down the toilet.

Wearing my pajamas… inside…out…. Er, just take my word for it. In doodle land we only wear skin tight spandex for some reason.

Indian snow dance, think of an Indian rain dance but with more limb flailing and me having no idea what I am doing.

I tried bribery.


Damned right I’m a monster, a monster who wants his snow.

Nothing worked. The years passed, I grew more desperate, but nothing would make it snow.

By my fourteenth birthday I’d completely given up hope.  It would never snow on my birthday, such was my curse. This did not have to be completely horrible though; there was a silver lining. There is always a silver lining, and here it was my party. Every year I would have my party outside in the park or at my house. Either way I had the party somewhere where at the drop of a hat I could run out into the snow. For my fourteenth birthday I threw that rule out. Nature had forsaken me, I would forsaken nature. It was time for laser tag.
It was a wonderful party

Lasers flew…

Friends died…

Heroes were born…

And victory was mine.

We played for hours. There was cake, it was delicious. I got presents, they were toys, I loved them.
The party ended,
I said goodbye,
I walked outside,

It had snowed the whole time.
My mind stopped. I didn’t know if I should be happy that it finally snowed, or angry I just spend all the snowfall inside. I was vaguely aware of my mother shepherding me into the car, to drive us off to our next destination. But all I could see was the snow.