I Hate Driving

I hate driving. I mean I really just do not like it one bit.

Of all the things I really dislike in this world driving is in the top five.

This is how I view driving.

No wait,

THIS is how I view driving.

I’m not bad at it or anything. I’m actually quite good.

Well maybe I’m not so great; most people are just really bad so I look great in comparison.

I understand the importance of driving. I wouldn’t wage war on cars or anything.

I just don’t like the idea of moving at lethal speeds on a two thousand pound missile of doom.

I almost feel like the second amendment should cover cars.

Sure guns are dangerous.

I just feel that with a well aimed car I could do a lot more damage than any standard handgun.  

Ello, um, my name is Joshua I’m looking to buy a car…

What was that? A missile you say? Right this way my good man I’ll show you’re our newest model. Guaranteed to leave a lasting impression.

Er no, I meant a—

Here we are! Just got her in this morning. Genuine H-bomb. Decent mileage, very quiet and if some jerk rear ends you, well, the jokes on him eh?

Yeah, everyone dies. Hilarious.

That may or may not have exactly been what the sales person told me while I was car shopping, but that’s what I got out of it.  

So I try to get rides with my friends as much as I can just so I don’t stress out as I drive.

I save money on gas too.

Oh yeah, and the environment.